Hermiones Lament
by davedavedave
Summary: It is our choices that define who we are..they put the hat on my head... I thought back to that Redheaded family in the bookshop...and I made my choice.


I loved him before I met him. Before I even liked him, I loved him. I love everything about him; I love his smile, the gentle glow of his coppery

_(ginger)_

Hair, the intensity reflected on his face whenever he's angry or concentrating really hard on something. I love the way he puts everyone else's feelings before his own and is only truly happy when everyone else around him are.

I love the way he loves his family, I love the way he protects his friends and supports them throughout any crisis they may be in. I love the way my fingers feel when they run through his hair, I love the feeling of being in his arms, and I love the feel of his gentle but firm lips against my own every time I show him how much I love him.

But most of all, I love the way he loves me back.

I was 11 when it started, just a young girl. Still, even back then I always felt something huge was going to happen to me one day. At primary school I always felt different from the other children, as if somehow I didn't quite fit in

_(witch)_

with them. I was always the girl on her own in the corner; nose stuck in a book with strange, unexplainable things going on around me. It all made sense the summer after I left primary school; it was halfway through August and I was already getting ready to start at my new school,

_Hogwarts_

Sacred Heart Comprehensive for Girls in a few weeks. Then the postman

_Owl _

Delivered a letter saying that I, Hermione Granger had been chosen to study at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry; commencing September 1st.

It was decided that I would attend Hogwarts; it was an opportunity I didn't want to pass up. Ever perfect, I had my books ready the week before I started, I still remember how excited I was the first time I stepped into Diagon Alley, how right it felt being there.

Flourish and Blotts was another thing altogether. Bookshops and library's are all like a second home to me; always have been, always will be.

_Bookworm_

I bought my first copy of Hogwarts; A History that day, along with my other school books. It was thanks to that bookshop that I saw him for the first time. They entered in a line of fiery red hair and I was instantly fascinated with them. The way his twin brothers were trying to wreak havoc in the shop but seemingly turned into quivering lumps of jelly with one look from their mother.

I noticed him last. Although I wish that weren't true and that I'd noticed him first, I noticed him last. His father was busy talking to his older brother about book prices, his mother still busy with the twins. He and his younger sister; Ginny as I came to know her by, were going unnoticed. Ginny looked rather scared, he also looked quite nervous. As I watching them, he reached out and took her hand to hold in his own. I was just watching

_Staring_

them when he looked up, he must have sensed me watching. Our eyes met for the first time and he flashed me that adorable lop-sided grin of his.

That was it, I was hooked.

_Obsessed_

Even then I realised there was something special about his eyes and in the way he had reached for his younger sister to comfort her when he himself was nervous. It showed how much he could care about people. That family were my first real insight into the wizarding world, a true wizarding family, whether I knew it then or not.

Moving closer towards them I learned that it would be him, Ronald Weasley, which would be starting at Hogwarts in two weeks time! That wouldn't be the last time I'd be seeing him.

Hogwarts, A History was my favourite book from the first time I cracked the binding; learning about the place that was to be my home for the next seven years became something rather fascinating to me. Although I never managed to get that flame-haired boy out of my mind for the next two weeks, I did enjoy reading about the school and trying a few simple spells chosen from other text books.

There was a chapter in Hogwarts; A History about a past pupil, a dark wizard referred to as 'He who must not be named'

_Voldemort_

and a baby who had brought about his demise before he was even old enough to walk.

I next saw him on the platform to the Hogwarts express on my first day as a student of magic. Having just said goodbye to my parents, I was waiting to board the train when I saw him come through the barrier and onto the platform shortly after a raven-haired boy wearing glasses.

_Harry Potter_

Once the train was in motion I found myself in a compartment with a boy named Neville Longbottom. Neville had a pet toad, Trevor, who had escaped whilst

_Forgetful_

Neville wasn't looking. As soon as he realised Trevor was missing I volunteered to go looking for

_Ron_

him so that they could be reunited.

I'd never paid much attention to boys before. I considered them stupid, lazy, unable to concentrate on anything and always wanting to get dirty. I'd never so much as glanced twice at a boy until I saw him; I don't know why he was so special. The only thing I can think of is it's the way he reached for his sister's hand that day in Diagon Alley, or, it could have been the way he had smiled at me.

I was overcome with feelings I wasn't familiar with; I had finally come upon something that couldn't be explained in a book. I was 11, starting a new school and had brand new feelings in me, emotions I had never felt before that needed to be awoken.

And at that moment in time, they were all for him.

Logically, at the age of 11 (as much logic as I could have had) I reasoned that this wouldn't last long, that he would probably be the first in a long line of crushes that I, as a young girl, would have.

I found them in the end compartment, they were sat alone; my flame haired boy about to try a magic trick, the boy with the glasses sitting there waiting expectantly.

_Sunshine daisies, butter mellow_

The spell obviously didn't work; the stupid rat

_Peter Pettigrew _

couldn't do anything. Nervous and not entirely sure what to do, I performed a spell for them, repairing the darker haired boys glasses. At that point

_Oculus Reparo_

I realised that he was the Harry potter I'd read about. I used this as an excuse to find out officially my flame haired boy's name. Ronald Weasley.

That name sends shivers. He was a bit of a prat, but he was only 11 and I knew boys were prat's anyway. That didn't mean I didn't want to know more.

Dirt on his nose

The sorting ceremony was vital to the rest of my time at Hogwarts and how it would be spent. The hat went on

_Hmmm… Miss Granger…._

The hat saw that I was intelligent and that I would be key placed in Ravenclaw

My mind rewound 2 weeks to that bookstore and the ginger haired family that were commenting heavily on Gryffindor

_It is our choices that define who we are_

The hat was tempting it told me how great id be in Ravenclaw, how much I could achieve, but my mind was set on that flame haired boy that I saw in the bookstore, that Ronald Weasley that I spoke to on the train, that Harry potter that had been sat next to him and the bravery that was Gryffindor

The hat asked me; how about Ravenclaw

_No…_

GRYFFINDOR!

_It is our choices that define who we are_

My first term at Hogwarts was spent in a blur by day I was

_perfect _

Hermione granger strait A student but at night my dreams were filled with a certain flame haired boy. I soon noticed that he wasn't the best of students and thought that the only way I could get close to him was by helping with his school work; so in class I would help as much as I could. At Halloween that all came crashing down around me, I realised that he didn't appreciate it as much as I thought and in one moment of childish insanity I overheard him insulting me to his friends.

_No wonder she hasn't got any friends _

But that night when Ronald Weasley and Harry potter saved me from an overgrown troll, our fate was cemented after that it would only take a matter of time for the rest of the jigsaw pieces to slot together and Voldemort played a key part in that.

Our relationship was always tempestuous, as I got older my feeling got stronger instead of fading but I always tried to keep them buried deep down and I never dreamt that he'd feel the same way. In second year I started to get a hint of something

'_Eat slugs'_

We always spent time together, even when Harry wasn't with us. As we neared 13 and 14 I noticed that other people around us were developing feelings for members of the opposite sex, so it wasn't just myself. Ron, as always, seemed oblivious to this. Although I did get the feeling that Harry was catching on a little sooner than his best friend

_Cho Chang_

Throughout 3rd year there was an awkward ness between us, I put it down to my own feeling for him and him not reciprocating them as I secretly hoped he would when I was 11. He was just your typical teenage boy and in 4th year I resigned myself to being nothing more than a friend to him and I started looking about, that was until the Yule ball. Although I was only 14, I had given up completely given up on the idea of any romantic notions coming from said Ron Weasley and I began looking about. The Yule ball came about and I knew Ron wasn't going to ask me. So when I was asked to go by a certain world famous international Quidditch star

_Victor Krum_

I jumped at the chance. Not necessarily because I wanted to go with him, but because I knew that Ron was never going to realise that he had other feelings for me other than friendship. As it turns out

_Perfect_

Hermione granger DOES get things wrong. She gets things very wrong, because Ron Weasley gets jealous, very jealous. I didn't realise it first, but the look on his face when he saw me at the Yule ball with victor Krum; I'm pretty sure it mirrored my own when I saw him at the Yule ball with Padma Patil. It was my understanding that Ron would never go to the ball with anyone who looked less than perfect, regardless of her personality. The day I heard that was the day I gave up on him and accepted victor Krum's offer. It turns out maybe I shouldn't have given up so soon.

By the end of 4th year with Ron's obvious jealousy over my relationship with Victor Krum, not all of my feeling disappeared as I hoped they would. I began to hope that maybe, just maybe, Ron Weasley could be mine after all. Id waited 4 years. Our first

_Peck_

kiss was just before Ron's first Quidditch match, forgetting who I was, and what I was doing; I reached up and kissed him good luck. Then I wished Harry the same and left to take my place on the stands. I think I scared Ron but if he wasn't ready to face up to anything yet, that was his problem. I knew something was happening by then.

It was especially evident during all of the prefect monitoring that we were doing together. We were spending inordinate amounts of time together, getting closer and closer. We began to confide in each other even more. It was 5th year when I realised that Ron wasn't only desirable to me but also to other girls. There was a girl called

_loony_

Luna Lovegood she was in Ginny's year and that was when my own insecurities set in. I realised that if something wasn't done soon then Ron would realise that there were other girls out there available and that he didn't need to spend so much time with me and his sister and that he would start dating just as Harry had in 5th year. Luna wasn't the first (to my knowledge she was the second) and she also wasn't the last.

Other girls liked to look at Ron, I realised this as 6th and 7th year came to a close. Ron remained oblivious.

_Bless him_

By 17 I had pretty much come to recognise that my feeling no longer matched those of the crush I had felt as an 11 year old. My feeling for Ronald Arthur Weasley had somehow escalated everything that is a childhood crush, everything that is a teen romance and everything that I would ever be able to feel for any other man.

Harry died before he'd even reached 19, he'd kept a secret from Ron and I, his best friends. In 5th year he found out that he'd either have to kill, or be killed. He chose the first, but ultimately it could not prevent the latter. Voldemort was gone, but so was our best friend.

In the end it took the death of our best friend to finally draw us together. Although id lost one best friend who was like a brother to me, I felt that I had gained something else. Something I'd been wanting since I was 11 years old; although it brought about feelings of melancholy because I had to lose a brother to gain a lover.

I made sure that Ron was sure; that it was what we both wanted; I didn't want to feel as if id forced him into it. That what he was feeling for me was real and not just an offset of what I had been feeling for him for the past 8 years.

I needn't have worried.

We needed each other more than ever after Harry's death and we got closer and closer until one day, ironically at a train station while I was on my way back to my parents house that we finally kissed. Id like to say that it was perfect, dreamlike, something id always imagined.

But the truth was, it was awkward, it was short, too public and he didn't have a clue what to do with his tongue.

We took it slowly in the early days, the first kiss was by no means the last. And he got better, we got better. IT got better. By the end of that year, let's just say he knew what to do with his tongue. And I, in turn learned that my hands formed an indelible map throughout the recesses in his body as if they had been made to fit. The first time we made love was about as clumsy as that first kiss

_Practice made perfect_

It didn't hurt as much as I expected, he was just so gentle and sweet about it. The proposal was about as sweet as I expected and also showed his cheeky rule-breaking side. It wasn't the perfect location; but with ron, his imperfections were what made him perfect. It wasn't as romantic as it could have been, nor was it spontaneous and unexpected

_Flourish and Blotts_

he got in trouble for talking, I got in trouble for crying. Here I was surrounded by two of my favourite things in this world; books and him, in the very same place I'd first set eyes on him all those years ago and him bent down on one knee asking if I, Hermione Granger, would do him the honour of becoming Mrs. Hermione Weasley.

The day was perfect, we were surrounded by everybody we loved and our families were all there to wish us well the only downside was we weren't sharing the day with our best friend, the boy we had grown up with, the boy that completed our broken triangle. The boy who had held us together through every fight we had had at school, the boy who had supported us and the one who we believed we had let down; although we knew that not to be true. It was our only sadness on that day of pure joy.

That night, somewhere amongst the myriad of emotions we were feeling, we loved each other more than ever before

_Sex_

We settled into our first home as if it had been made especially for us. Our first child was born in that house. Over the years friends and family members came and went. We missed the departed but celebrated every new life that was born. Our family grew, our children all gaining places at Hogwarts before moving on in the world whilst we remained as devoted as ever to each other. Even at the grand old age of 61 I could still feel my heart racing abnormally when he pulled me near, when he placed his gentle kisses on my face, up and down my neck as his hands stroked ever so slowly up and down my spine.

I knew that I had loved this man for 50 years and would continue to do so for the rest of eternity. I cherished the night time; it was when he would hold me in his arms and as we were drifting off id hear him whisper that he loved me more than life itself and that he would keep on loving me until the day he died and longer still. Selfishly, I hoped deep in my heart that it would be me who would go first, knowing I couldn't bear to go on without him.

It was our son

_Harry_

That found him. I'd been away for the weekend visiting an elderly relative while Ron had stayed at home, complaining he was coming down with a cold. The night before I was due to arrive home I called to check he was feeling alright and remind him that I loved him. After the phone call Ron went to bed and never woke up again the next morning.

Harry went around the next morning so he could welcome me himself, he found the house silent, and when he entered our bedroom he found Ron laying still on the bed, a smile on his face; perfectly content.

Not a trace of a heartbeat.

My soul died that morning and never truly recovered and I leave this; my final farewell to my family; to the love of my life, to the best friend I lost when I was 19 and everyone who has come in and out of my life since. I want you all to know that although I do love you, whatever you may think. I should never have been in Gryffindor for I am not that brave, after all. I can't foresee a world ahead of me that doesn't have Ronald Weasley in it, the father of my children and the grandfather to my grandchildren. The only man who I have ever loved and whom I will ever love. My heart cannot go on without its other half, I was not meant to be alone. I knew this from that first day in the bookstore. I hope that this letter brings some comfort to those I leave behind but for now I have to go.

Somewhere far away there's a flame haired boy waiting for me and he's beckoning; 'come my Hermione, come…' Stood next to him is a raven haired boy with a lightning shaped scar on his forehead and together they are both telling me that that is exactly where I belong; with them where we will never be separated again. One day we will all be reunited; but until that day I leave you this last parting of I love you. I'm just sorry it wasn't enough to keep me here.


End file.
